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about

A couple of years ago I recorded this track and what I wanted to do was outside of my skill set but I just did it anyways. The result was something that had a lot of potential but failed to live up to it. This remains one of my favorite tracks and luckily I had all the files saved (most everything before this album has been lost due to harddrive failures).

This track is me confronting my fear of getting Alzheimer's disease - a very real one since my grandmother died of it. My only memories of her are while in the middle-to-advanced stages of the disease. But this isn't about observing it, it's about trying to imagine what it must feel like to have it and, as a sort of extension of the concept, about the sensation of your brain devouring itself. It's not supposed to be a pleasant listen and if you want to get the full experience headphones are required. I deal with a lot of spatial things here, including an instrument I designed specifically because I wanted it to feel like your head was being sawed into. Literally.

The piano is the family. The voice is the patient's identity. The breathing is exactly what you'd imagine. Everything else is the disease. I guess it operates in 3 or 4 acts. The first part is about trepidation and waiting for the floor to drop. Then the floor drops but it's a longer process than might be comfortable (it always is). This isn't a thrill ride. I want you to feel the emotions, not the sensations. Then it's a long string of frustration and confusion. Nothing seems to make sense no matter how hard the drums and piano seem to be trying. Then further decline. And then release? Sort of, I guess.

ApoE4 is, literally, a piece of music about dying of Alzheimer's disease but it boasts no authority other than extreme subjectivity.

credits

from Letters to Eurydice (Soundtrack), released March 11, 2011

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Third Uncle Violet San Diego, California

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